Transfer rumours

So welcome to this week's news on the slave trade! Mr. Blatter's unfortunate comments may have saved Ronaldo from a life of drudgery at Manchester United, but will he better off at Real Madrid? Sources tell us that an announcement of a move may be imminent, but can he really be lured away by an offer of bread, water, a bed in a cockroach filled room with 40 other people and a measly few trillion euros a week, most of which he presumably will put in a brown paper envelope and send back to his starving family in the Algarve? We should soon know!

Meanwhile the bounty hunters continue to strip Sevilla of their healthy young men, with Poulsen the latest to be dragged off in the night to spend the rest of his miserable life in the workhouse at Juventus. Alves and Keita have already disappeared, Luis Fabiano, Capel and Adriano are also being stalked, and at this rate the club will have to put out a side of women and old men next season! More news next week, if we haven't been struck down by a tranquilizer dart by then! (12.07.08)